The rest of my journey

 So i thought i took too much time writing a one-week journey so i decided to give you bigger pictures.

The rest of the month just went by with my position stayed in the top 5 and anxiety still was my biggest problem.

However, i had fun. I had fun with them staying up all night until 4- 5 AM. I had fun cooking and having breakfast 4 AM in the morning with my friends (mostly girls but one guy suddenly getting up ,claiming to not yet go to sleep) and the instructors (that's what they call themselves) and stargazing, telling stories, and using telescopes all night long.

Then there was the out-bonding Sunday which was really fun and crazy like hell.

Then there was the final test and some of us prayed to God for blessing, for protection, for mercy and moreover to thank Him for have given us the chance to meet one another. We cried and afterwards we just go back to our room without even saying a single word.

SO YEAH... it was great... it was a memorable experience that i'll never forget. Each of them gave me a lesson surprisingly. I learnt a lot there about life mostly and even though we came from different races and different areas, somehow somewhat we managed to stick as one. And believe living the natives (if you a racist individual) is amazing, there is no other word to describe my gratitude towards them,

In the end, i just stop thanking them, thanking the mentors, the instructors and the lecturers, and how i could not just stop saying sorry for not being completely who i was and who i am because i was shadowed by my fear of losing. I know it's not such a big deal eventually so i really felt bad.

Now that i'm going to join the second one, i promised that i'll be who i really am and if i actually lost but i give my best, that's fine with me. It only mean that somebody who is better than the best of me is going to represent Indonesia in the internationals and at least have a chance to take a medal back home.

My resolution to win for Indonesia might not be really absolute and not clear, but i wont have any regret in my life despite the obstacles and hardships there is and i'll live my life to the fullest